the fun and excitement never ends around here....

so last night we are sitting on the couch watching tv and i reached down to under my stomach and it felt all wet. so of course, i freaked out and jumped up - front part of pants and between legs were wet but i hadn't peed and obviously i've had the baby so it's not my water breaking. ;)  so we go in the bathroom and my incision was weeping pretty bad....my staples were removed this morning, so we were thinking maybe that was why.  but then we saw some actual blood too, toward the bottom of the incision (toward my pubic bone) so we called the dr and he said to go to the ER.

so we called his parents to come over and watch the baby for a minute and we went to the ER.  they checked that everything under the incision (like my abdomen) was all intact (it was - thank god) and then checked for infection.  they said everything looked fine and that it was normal for it to weep like that - i was apparently very swollen when they did the c section since i had so many IV's in the hospital (b/c i was so dehydrated from vomiting) 

it was weeping before but only a small amount, this was a ton of weeping, like dripping all over the place so that is why we called the dr right away. if there wasn't actual BLOOD he would have just seen me in his office today....

but it's better safe than sorry.  and we got a scrip for some antibiotics to prevent an infection.  i'm just glad they didn't need to gauze pack it b/c then it would be open and that would scare me. esp being alone next week....

so scary. and it didn't help that yesterday was a super emotional day for me anyway.  i've been nursing and then pumping for 20 mins after each session and it's been SO hard.  i can never get a nap in, b/c by the time we nurse and then i pump and maybe use the bathroom or eat something, it's time to do it all over again. it's been incredibly depressing for me. yest i was ready to just throw in the towel but the idea of spending $150 on formula when i MAKE food that is BETTER for her just kills me and i couldn't do it in good conscious.  so i asked the advice of my cousin and she said that i should just nurse at this point and start weaning off the pump cycle to maybe 5-10 mins every other time.  that will make things so much easier, i think, and really help my perspective on things.

i'm just glad howie has been so great during all of this.  he is so understanding of my crazy mood swings even, i think he just hates to see me so upset and stressed out and i get overwhelmed and cry for no reason. it's been hard.   i think eliminating the pumping will help  my sanity, esp when he goes back to work