we gave abby her first bath yesterday....after a poop explosion!  it was so bad. she had poo everywhere, so i figured that since her little stump had fallen off the other day, that it was as good a time as any to give her a bath.  she didn't seem to mind the bath at all. :)  we filled up her little tub and put her in the newborn sling.  she didn't  mind the water getting poured on her or being soaped up or rinsed off. she did, however, mind very much when we removed her from the warm water. LOL. we had a towel waiting for her so she was ok in a few minutes.
this baby cannot stand being naked it seems - she hates to be changed too! she cries as soon as we unbutton her clothes...and as soon as her clothes are buttoned back up - she's ok again.

she really doesn't fuss very much at all.  she only cries if she is wet or hungry. the rest of the time she is either sleeping or just alert and happy regardless of if we are holding her or have her in her little sleeper thing.

hard to believe that on tuesday she will be three weeks already! the time is going by fast.

we went to the pediatrician today for another weight. she is up to 6 lbs 13oz, but still 4oz away from her birth weight.  boo. i thought for sure she would have been up to her birth weight, at least. :(  the pediatrician didn't seem too worried though and we'll see them again on august 1st for her 1 month checkup. (a whole month!!)

everything else looks good though, and they weren't overly concerned about her weight since they know i switched to just formula feeding.  she is taking 3oz every 3 hours so they said that's totally normal and she should catch up on her weight gain soon, esp now that we know exactly how much food she is getting.

so all is good in abby world!

not much else has been going on w/ us.  obviously we are spending most of our days at home with the baby! i have managed to read the first two fifty shades books. the writing is pretty shitty but somehow i can't put them down (ahem, twilight).  but sadly, these are even worse writing than twilight. i mean, it's pretty bad but again - they sucked me in. i had even marked the 1st one as abandoned on goodreads and then i found myself going back to it, LOL.  stupid mommy pr0n.

i think i am starting to get back to feeling normal.  yesterday i did a load of laundry , woo.  i just can't carry the basket so i sort of drag it behind me, hehe.  i'm not pushing myself too hard, though. i need to sweep & vacuum. i will probably sweep in the kitchen soon but vacuuming is going to have to wait unless i can get howie to do it or my mother in law... but anyway.  not pushing myself too hard - it's hard but oh well. gotta do what i gotta do.  yesterday i put away all the laundry, yay!

i can sleep on my side now, too.  i have been sleeping on my back since i was in the hospital & from when i got home. i hate sleeping on my back, so i'm glad to be back on my side at least. looking forward to a time when i can sleep on my stomach!

*  i decided to formula feed. i hope no one thinks less of me for making this decision, i didn't make it very lightly.  i decided it was best for me & abby after i would spend entire days crying. i also just really did not like nursing - which surprised me. i would cringe everytime it was time to feed her. :(  we would nurse for an hour sometimes & then she would still be hungry and take an ounce or two of formula and it was just so much more enjoyable for me to feed her from a bottle, i felt like we got to bond more b/c she wasn't frustrated with getting food and i wasn't upset either.

i've been a lot happier since making my decision and life has been a lot smoother for all of us.  so i'm at peace w/ my decision.

* we had our week of no visitors which was the best thing we did.  we are starting to have people over again. my dad & stepmom came here yesterday for a few hours, and it was nice. i know people wanted to see abby really bad but we really needed that time to ourselves so i have no regrets.  we just needed to get into a routine and learn how to take care of a baby! things are mostly under control - the house doesn't look like a bomb went off (though it does need a thorough cleaning - howie straightens up but he doesn't clean). we also need groceries but i don't think i'm going to be able to grocery shop for a while. :(  i'm not even driving at this point

* that's another thing - recovering from a C section. ugh. :(   i just want to feel normal. i'm not really in pain anymore but i do get a little pain in my lower right side if i do too much. plus, my incision is still weeping. yesterday i bent over after my shower to put lotion on my legs & a bunch of dark yellow liquid spilled out of it!  apparently that can happen right up until six weeks.  i kind of hate that it is going to take me six weeks to feel back to normal and i only get 2 add'l weeks for maternity leave.  seems like BS to me. i mean, you had a major abdominal surgery and a newborn baby to take care of, so it's not like i can just lay around, you know?  at least i have an add'l 2 weeks of PTO so i can still have some time to enjoy. it sucks b/c i can't do any of the things i though i would at this point - we haven't gone on any walks, etc.  it'll be 2 PP as of tuesday so i guess i should just have more patience.

* abby sleeps so much.  ped said it's normal but it still seems worrying.  we don't have to wake her up for feedings anymore, though. she is pretty good about waking herself up right on time (every 3 hours at this point) and we generally feed her 3oz or so.   she stays awake sometimes and we give her the tummy time (which she tolerates really well!) but then it's back to beddie bye.  i have been worried about her getting a flat head b/c she sleeps so much. :(  we hold her, of course, but we can't be holding her 24 hours a day....she spends a lot of time in the rock & play sleeper in the living room. she goes into her crib at night.

* she tolerates tummy time really well! she is so good at lifting her head already. she lifts her head up off our sholders when we have her upright when burping her, she was doing that in the hospital even.  she can turn her head from side to side when on her tummy too.  she is not really scooting anywhere on her blanket yet but she can definitely move her head, so that's pretty cool to see.  she is a restless sleeper too. she throws up her arms up over her head and wiggles around and makes all sorts of noises.  we swaddle her at night with a sleepsack swaddle so she doesn't startle herself awake. she doesn't seem to wake herself up in the rock & play sleeper but it's a smaller space than her crib...in the crib she gets on her side & then she wakes up.   i'm glad that i ended up having a sleep sack in the stuff that was donated to me by my coworkers b/c we didn't buy one ahead of time. we only have one b/c i couldn't see paying $20 for another one in NB size. i do have one for 13-18 pounds but it's like enormous and super long so we aren't using that on her yet.  she is still in NB size clothes & diapers.  not sure how much she weighs....we go to the dr tomorrow for another weight check. :)

the fun and excitement never ends around here....

so last night we are sitting on the couch watching tv and i reached down to under my stomach and it felt all wet. so of course, i freaked out and jumped up - front part of pants and between legs were wet but i hadn't peed and obviously i've had the baby so it's not my water breaking. ;)  so we go in the bathroom and my incision was weeping pretty bad....my staples were removed this morning, so we were thinking maybe that was why.  but then we saw some actual blood too, toward the bottom of the incision (toward my pubic bone) so we called the dr and he said to go to the ER.

so we called his parents to come over and watch the baby for a minute and we went to the ER.  they checked that everything under the incision (like my abdomen) was all intact (it was - thank god) and then checked for infection.  they said everything looked fine and that it was normal for it to weep like that - i was apparently very swollen when they did the c section since i had so many IV's in the hospital (b/c i was so dehydrated from vomiting) 

it was weeping before but only a small amount, this was a ton of weeping, like dripping all over the place so that is why we called the dr right away. if there wasn't actual BLOOD he would have just seen me in his office today....

but it's better safe than sorry.  and we got a scrip for some antibiotics to prevent an infection.  i'm just glad they didn't need to gauze pack it b/c then it would be open and that would scare me. esp being alone next week....

so scary. and it didn't help that yesterday was a super emotional day for me anyway.  i've been nursing and then pumping for 20 mins after each session and it's been SO hard.  i can never get a nap in, b/c by the time we nurse and then i pump and maybe use the bathroom or eat something, it's time to do it all over again. it's been incredibly depressing for me. yest i was ready to just throw in the towel but the idea of spending $150 on formula when i MAKE food that is BETTER for her just kills me and i couldn't do it in good conscious.  so i asked the advice of my cousin and she said that i should just nurse at this point and start weaning off the pump cycle to maybe 5-10 mins every other time.  that will make things so much easier, i think, and really help my perspective on things.

i'm just glad howie has been so great during all of this.  he is so understanding of my crazy mood swings even, i think he just hates to see me so upset and stressed out and i get overwhelmed and cry for no reason. it's been hard.   i think eliminating the pumping will help  my sanity, esp when he goes back to work

i have really been wanting to write, but as you can imagine i'm a bit limited for time these days :)

so, abby is a week old today! our first week was a total blur - we spent most of it in the hospital. i was bedridden for the first two days - my legs were totally numb all day tuesday and that night and i had compressors on, and i think they were on until middle of day wednesday.  also i had a catheter, so i wasn't able to get up at all. howie was great though - the babies aren't put in a nursery at the hospital where i delivered, so she was in our room the whole time. he cleaned all the dirty diapers plus had to do everything for me (getting me water, etc) b/c i couldn't do it for myself.  the nurses were great too - it was pretty terrible to be in such a helpless position (people had to come and clean me off and change my pad those first few days!) it got better when my IV was out - i was still in pain and stuff, but at least i could move around freely and use the bathroom on my own.  we could have gone home on thursday but we decided to stick it out the night since my insurance would cover it, just to make sure we had everything together.  we went home on friday morning..

i think our biggest mistake the first week by far, was having people over. it did nothing but stress us out and take away the focus on the baby.  my family does NOT understand nursing or why it was taking so long, etc or the fact that we had to feed every 2 hours and it was just getting out of hand. people would be over for too long, not getting a hint when to go (my family) and we were missing feedings and it was super important that we kept to a schedule since abby had lost 10% of her body weight since birth and we needed for her to gain weight.


things have been better. breastfeeding is getting better - i'm still not making quite enough to satisfy her but i nurse and then pump so we are doing our best. we are supplementing with formula but i feel ok about that. i'd rather her be full & happy even if it means eating formula.  she does get mostly breastmilk so i think it's better than nothing.

we went to the pediatrician yesterday and abby's weight gain was twice what they expected, so we're good there! so relieved. :)   and i went to the dr for me today to get my staples out of my c-section. i can start driving in 2 weeks though my dr recommended not to if i didn't absolute have to. i can resume all normal activity at 6 weeks....which is hard for me b/c i hate being so helpless but i need to heal....

i have to say how wonderful howie is though. he is an amazing father, more than i could have EVER hoped for.  he has bonded so well to the baby and helps so much - he changes diapers and gives her tummy time, etc.  basically whatever we need outside of feeding. he feeds her the bottles sometimes if i'm doing something else.  i feel like crying when i think of him going back to work, though. i just don't know how i am going to do this on my own. :( esp with the pumping after each feeding. i need to ask if that is absolutely necessary or if it's ok if i just start pumping a few times a day instead.  not sure how that works.

so we'll see. i have a week more with him....maria can help too but i'd rather have howie.  LOL

so that's it for now!! hopefully i can update again soon. i miss writing!

she was born on tuesday, july 2nd at 11:04am. 7 lbs .09oz 19 inches long, via c-section.   we are so in love! i have been wanting to write but as you can imagine, things have been hectic and i was in the hospital from monday to friday morning :(

so abby's birth story:

i started having a sharp pain in my upper right side on sunday night.  it lasted an hour or two - i called the dr and he said not to worry about it and we'd check it out at my next appointment.  so that night - the pain gets increasingly worse, more intense and i start vomiting.  we go to the hospital at 5am and i get checked into labor & delivery.  i'm in terrible pain and i can't hold anything down.   they do all sorts of tests and everything is coming back fine. i end up getting sent for an ultrasound to check on my gall bladder & kidneys...the blood work was coming back normal but i was still in pain & puking.  this was over the course of the day on monday....monday night they were going to check us out b/c it seemed like i was able to hold down a liquid diet and water....so we were getting ready to go and then i puked again, so they kept me overnight.  monday had to be the WORST night of my entire life.   the pain was unbearable. i was in this horrible labor bed trying to sleep and i could only sleep on one side and after a while, THAT would hurt too! turning over was excruciating, and if i lay on my back i was extremely nauseous.  it was terrible.

so the next morning, they keep coming in and checking on me but i'm not getting any updates and they aren't talking about running any more significant tests...so i'm beginning to think something is up....what are they waiting for? i doubted i was going home since i was still puking and i would have refused to leave until they knew what was going on. i could NOT go home with that pain and wait it out for labor.   at this point i had still not progressed at all.

so the dr comes in around 8am maybe? and he says that my white blood cell count jumped up and they are getting concerned....my vitals were good and so were baby's but they coudln't figure out why my WBC jumped up.  he said he thought i might have appendicitis which is extremely difficult to confirm diagnosis in pregnant women since it ends up moving due to the baby!!   so i had a surgical consult and they decided that they would deliver the baby by c-section and take out my appendix at the same time!

it sounds crazy, right? i didn't even care at this point, i was like get me on a gurney and LET"S GO. howie was a lot more concerned than i was but i knew it was the best way - what was the point of waiting for me to go into labor, esp if my wbc count went up.  the dr felt like we should do this before something hit the fan and i agreed!!

so howie started calling everyone and letting them know and they started prepping me for surgery at 9am (at this point things moved FAST) by 10am i was in the operating room getting a spinal tap (which did not hurt at all compared to the pain i was in) and at 11:04, she was welcomed into the world!!

i ended up not having my appendix removed after all (which i am kind of glad for b/c it would have been like dealing with recovering from 2 surgeries at once, sheesh) but it turns out all the pain was CONSTIPATION! the baby was apparently sitting on my bowels in such a manner that i was all backed up. which i found kind of odd since i was regularly pooping until saturday night  you know?  but either way.

the c section was so bizarre to go through.  you obviously can't SEE what they are doing but you can feel it.  and i could FEEL them moving around my organs after she was born and i flipped out!!!!!!!!!! the aneshegiolist RAN for more morphine. holy crap did that hurt.

but it was all worth it and i'd do it again if i had to!!