i had some time off work this week, i was off tue-fri so i spent the whole week with abby pretty much. it's been really nice. before, when i would take PTO, abby would still go to maria's & i would sleep or hang out at home and just get things done. you know things you can't do with a little one around :)

but since maria has been coming here, i felt pretty rude asking her to still come and watch abby just so i could be off the hook.  and honestly, i am glad abby & i had the time together. i don't know if you would call it bonding, but it has been nice just hanging out even though we didn't do anything necessarily SUPER exciting or fun.

tuesday we met up with my dad for lunch at al & andy's and went to petsmart to visit the adoption kitties. abby really likes to visit them in the store.   we also got some clothes at the carter's store since it is right there b/c she had a sudden growth spurt and is now officially a 2t.  some of her 18 month stuff is still fitting her but if i am buying anything, its all 2t.

on wednesday, we drove to gene & jude's for a hot dog for me and fries for abby.  because i was really craving one and what the hell else was i doing anyway?? LOL. abby likes being in the car and she definitely enjoyed the fries!

on thursday we went to the zoo as i previously wrote about :)

and on friday we just went to target and that was pretty much it.

we didn't do a ton today either....we did go to walgreens this morning so i could get my prescription & some other crap.  i had this idea to try & do a paper journal for abby but i just don't think it's going to happen.  i'm just not really into the whole analog thing anymore, sadly.  i do miss it- i really do, and i know a handwritten journal is way more personal than a typed one, but i can write so much faster this way & i think the words are the most important thing anyway, the recording of it, however it gets recorded.

so i found out how to convert blogger to a pdf & i will print it out at the end of this year (it's not as long as my own personal journals, to date it's about 35 pages though if i write here more often it will get wordier :))  but i figure i can print it off each year for her and have it in a binder for her to read. i've been recording here since birth anyway, even if i haven't been doing it quite as consistently as i'd like. we'll work on that :)

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but back to the point, i'm going to really miss her when i go back to work. we've been having fun. i really like hanging out with her. she's so sweet & funny to be around. she's always saying "hi mama hi!" and she brings me things now and says "look what i brought for you!" and it'll be some blocks she stacked together or something. sometimes she'll bring it to you but then not actually give it to you, haha.

i feel like these days are precious and she's so smart and engaging and i just want to be there for all of it & spend that time with her.  it was so nice to be with her and not be TIRED from working all day & being able to give more of myself to her. i feel like when i come home from work, i'm just not my best self.  a) i'm tired and b) i'm often still thinking of work and the things i need to do for work and/or cooking dinner or things i need to do in the house, ie, i'm distracted and as much as i am happy to see her maybe i'm not showing it quite as much as i could be b/c of the things i already mentioned.

so i think what i am taking away from this is that i need to try & turn all that off when i get home and dedicate myself to her, the way that i have been this week. and don't get me wrong, i'm still reading and going on my phone but i'm definitely way more present than i am regularly. and even on the weekends....i'm still so EFFING TIRED from the damn week, it makes it hard to want to go for a walk and actually DO things with her b/c i'm just exhausted.

but i will really work on that b/c it really does mean so much to her and she really has enjoyed my attention this week too.

so i am glad i had this week with her and it has taught me something too. i really just want to be the best i can for her, and somedays i feel like my best is not the best :/
 but i am trying, and i guess i jsut want her to know that. and maybe someday, she'll read this and she'll have her own kids and maybe she'll be working a full time job and feeling a little guilty or having her own realizations and this will help her